Cup my Fire?

When I was but a girl of young years, pure of body decoration, even of the orbs, I seem to be notorious for, my Papa gave me some interesting information.

Let me set the scene.

We are out at the pool house. -Think less fancy.- Papa, Daddy, and a couple of neighbor guys are playing poker, and I am learning the ropes.

Yes, I can play a mean bit of poker.

Someone asks for a light, and another reaches out to light the ciggarette between guy one's pursed lips.

My grandpa smacks his hand away.  'Hand the man the lighter, boy. You only light the cigarettes of women you wanna fuck,' He says.

Yes, I am paraphrasing, but it is quite close.


Fast forward to 28 year old me drinking in a bar, recently single and open to options.

I find myself outside with a cigarette.  The cute guy that has been chatting me up at the bar has followed me out and I am suddenly without a lighter.  He reaches over and lights it for me. 

Instantly I am reminded of this story from my past.

Since this incident, it has come to mind a lot.  

In fact, twice, just today.

I brought it up to a guy friend, and he had a variation of the rule.

'Cupping the fire' is for girls only.  If you cup a man's fire (being a man) it would be gehy.

For those of you not in the know.  'Cupping the fire' is when you use your hand to block the wind from the all precious flame.

So...

What are your thoughts on the lighting of others' cigarettes?  If there are other stories, I must know!!

Does the reverse hold true?
If I light a guys cigg, do I want to fuck?
What if it is a subconscious thing?
Freud?

Flex It for Me, Just One More Time.

Flexability.

Now there is a word with enuendo.

Or maybe that is just my dirty mind.

Dirty mind aside, there is a definite need for flexibility as a single girl.
Not only in the bedroom/shower/backseat.

*wink wink*

Ahem.  Back on task.

There is just something about letting loose, and trying new things.  Allowing yourself to be led by the universe into unknown territories.

Not so long ago, I found myself out and pretty, with no one around to chill with and not tired enough to return to the compound.  I decided for the first time in my life to stop at a bar by myself.  It was a bit nerve racking. 

I am not going to lie.

I ended up having a very interesting conversation with a nicely tattooed guy and even a few free drinks. It was a blast from the past even.  Small towns and all.

A good night all the way around.

I also recently let myself go out on the spur of the moment, with someone I had only previously known on a much less personal level.  There were drinks and laughs and even a couple games of pool, that I played badly, yet managed to sink most of the balls.  It was fantastic.

There is just something about giving yourself the flexibility to go out on a whim, or take a risk.

The rush of blood to your cheeks as your adrenaline pumps.

The twitch in your cheeks as you smile and say yes.

Unlike any other, in this blogger's humble opinion.


Life is but a risk, and we none can hope to survive.


Let the universe guide you.

I try to live by that.  Its scary at times, and supremely frustrating at others, but the experience gained is enough to fill a lifetime.  If you let it.


How do you let the universe guide you?
What risks have you taken lately?
Have you ever said no when you wanted to say yes?

Lets here it readers.  What are your thoughts?

Lie to Me Baby?

Honesty is something I think about a lot.  There is nothing more refreshing to me than to meet a genuinely honest person.

Quite frankly, there are not a lot of us around.

Dishonesty in dating is something that you find every where.  Tiny white lies, huge life changing lies, and even just omitting something...

'I'm working late'
'I love this meal'
'Your new haircut looks great'
'We are just friends'

Telling the truth can be hard.  Very hard.  Most times its easier to convince ourselves that the lie is what is better for the other person.  The excuses and justifications are just as abundant the lies.

'I don't want to hurt them'
'It would ruin every thing'
'They would never talk to me again'
'They will never know'

I've been there plenty of times.  It's not fun.  It's hard.

I'll tell you one thing tho.  I have been ashamed of many lies.

Not once.

Not ever.

Have I EVER felt bad for telling the truth. 

Lying is cowardly.  That's how I feel.  Have I ever been a coward?  Of course!  I will be again, more than likely, but I recognize that more now than ever, and because I do, I make it a point to just say it.

I can't let myself think about it too much or I will convince myself into taking the path of cowardice.

Sometimes we have to know ourselves so that we can stop ourselves.


Truth Hurts Truth Frees


Lying to someone is bad. No doubt. Lying to yourself. Worse.

That's the hardest thing of all sometimes.

Admission.

Once you admit it.  Changing, most times, gets much easier. 



How do you stay honest?
When is it okay to lie?
What lie do you tell most often?
Why do you lie?


I am on a quest for truth.  Hard ones, Sad ones, Happy ones...

Readers, tell me a truth, that you have been holding back...

Eating - Being Single, and Not Starving.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like to eat alone at restaurants.  I don't cook either.  Not really.  Especially when I am single.  The Diva eats with my Grandparents, so I fend for myself.

When I work, I generally eat breakfast.  One of us goes and grabs food and we eat at work.  It has always been my favorite meal, so I like this morning tradition.  After that I sometimes grab a bite with a friend, decide to drink my dinner - budget saver - or I just don't eat.

There are seriously times when I don't think about it.  Especially if I am off and just at home all day.

I went to the grocery store the other day.  Left with just drinks.   Just looking at the food confused me to the point of just, fuck it, I'll grab some Taco Hell later.  I don't want to eat bad food, but whats the point of buying food, when I try to stay home the least amount possible.  The shit goes bad.

What is a broke girl to do?

In fact just now, I ate a meal, the first of the day, -2:30 pm- of bugles and cookies and creme chex mix.  I am washing it down with water, but still.  It is probable that I will not reach a lofty age at this rate.

I don't even do all that many dinner dates.  I probably should.  My health could improve.

Now that's a thought...

Food is seriously the thing I hate spending money on the most.  It's bad to say, but it's true.  I'd rather buy drinks at a bar or shit at goodwill, any day of the week. 

What about the rest of you single folk...

Do you cook?
Go out alone?
Dinner circle with friends?

Give me some ideas so I don't starve myself, or worse, resort to McDonald's!

New Beginings, Old Habits, and Future Possibilities.

I'll be separated, from my husband of 9 years, for 2 years in June, and I have been until recently been dating someone, who I was with for a year.  By all intents and purposes, it seems that I am a serial monogamist, but I have something dark and deep inside me that just calls for the single life, and here I am, yet again.

Last time that I was single, I slept around; I did the online dating; I picked up guys in bars, and I had a blast.  The only real difference this time, so far, is that I know more about what I want.  I don't want booty calls this time.  I want conversation with great sex.  I want to go out on the town.  I want to hang out and smoke.  I want to go full force into dating central, instead of being so sexually driven.

Sexually Driven.  Now that is a phrase that most definitely hits home.

Its not a new thing by any means.  It is just part of who I am.  Right along with the crazy style, tattoos, vulgar tongue, and 'don't give a fuck' attitude.   I am happy with it.  Not everyone gets it.  I'm okay with that too.  Live and let live.

That's the hard part, right?  The actual living.  Not many people do it.  It seems like it would be automatic, but as I get older, I notice that most people have no idea what it means to really live.  To take chances and push boundaries.  To walk to the edge when the rest of the world is yelling for you to come back.  That is really living.  The risks help you to understand how to feel happy.  To appreciate the hand you are dealt.  After all the bad shit that happens is the contrast to help the good stand out, but as with all things, your perspective is what colors your vision.

My rose colored glasses are brought to you by my positive perspective.

Perception.  One of my favorite words.  An issue on which I can debate for hours.

My perception of being single and what that means to me is always changing.  I have found that it often changes depending on my environment and state of mind.  Some days all I want is someone that has something interesting to say.  Other days its all about the physical.  The common factor is flirting.  I love to flirt.  Its a favorite hobby, if you want to think about it like that. 

Online dating is great for conversation, and with a good conversationalist the flirting can be lots of fun.  Meeting people from the net is always a bit of a rush.  Those nervous jitters in your stomach.  Its fun.  I don't really understand how in this day and age that online dating still has a bad rap.  I mean really.  Most people spend more time on the net than interacting in real life.  We have made it so easy.  The age of the smart phone has put facebook and online dating at our fingertips.  I, for one, am in total favor.  It makes meeting people easy.  People you may or may not have ever met out in the real world, if not for the digital world.  The interweb is my holla back girl.  She is always there when I need her.  When I am bored, a few finger strokes and there she is.

Meeting people in bars is such a different game.  I live in a relatively small town.  When I go out, there is always someone there I know.  That sounds great, but if you get too carried away then you can just as easily cock block yourself as you can work your way through all of the eligible bachelors in town.  Its a thin line.  I don't like to go out alone either.  I hate walking into a bar by myself.  I am not really sure why.  Other than, if, perhaps, there is no good conversation to be found, bringing someone along keeps me entertained.  I like having a wing man.  Or in my case a wing lady.

The BT, my best friend, and self proclaimed Brain Twin, hence her tag name, is by far my favorite bar buddy.  She is totally the opposite in bars as I am.  We are quite a bit different actually.  She is confident when she walks into a bar.  Going out alone for her is easy.  Simply being around that energy makes it easier for me.  I am also not really one to strike up a conversation on a whim either.  Though, I have my moments.  I like to be approached.  Once approached I am liable to talk your ear off.  If you have something to say that is.  I like random strange conversations.

An open mind leads to endless possibilities.

So what is this blog all about anyway?  I'd be asking myself the same question.  Well in the spirit of new beginnings,  I decided to start a new blog.  A singles blog, I guess.  I have an itch to write and dating is what I spend a lot of my time thinking about, so I figured it would be a good outlet.

I'd like to get some reader feedback, yes that means you, so that it can be more interactive, so send questions, or topics you would like to hear about.  I plan on telling some stories from my life, and otherwise just rambling on about what is going through my head, but I would like to know what interests you.  I aim to please, after all.  It will also give me a chance to stretch my writing muscles, and having people help motivate me to come back with ideas, would be ideal.

I am thinking about doing this every couple days.  Ideally maybe 3 time a week.  So consider this a date. 

Think about what you would like to hear about.
Have an issue that you would like to hear my take on...
Curious about something in my life...
Have a dating problem you would like to know my thoughts or advice about...

I am an open book.  Ask me anything.

Leave your ideas in the comments or email me.  

Interested in even more Julie action?  Friend me over on Facebook.  Friend me here.  

Till next time.  I'll be thinking of something fun for you to read, and I hope you will consider my proposal, and that I will hear from you soon.